A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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