already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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