tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
