1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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