where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
