she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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