Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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