Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
