i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
