I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
