That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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