I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
