Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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