and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
