I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
