I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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