I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
