I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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