i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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