I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
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dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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