You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize