im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
