Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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