he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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