Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
