You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's Friday. Sex?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
