Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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