Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
