My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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