A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
