You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
