I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
