Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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