So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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