You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
