There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
