So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
