so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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