So drunk its hurt
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
