So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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