the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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