your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
