Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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