Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
