If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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