bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am available for nakedness
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
