yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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