My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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