I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Come on in and take your pants off
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