Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
