Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
