Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
