just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
