so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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