this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
