im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
