if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
