the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
