My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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