so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
