oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize