I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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