ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
