i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my being single is dangerous.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He? As in you personified your dick?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
