I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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