just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
