White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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