what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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