when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
