I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
