he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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