One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
