So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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