Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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