she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
