dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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