I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my liver is dry heaving
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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