I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
