so explain again why im purple
no
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
